


Russia Visits America

by LuluCalliope



Series: America's Most Recent Election [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: American Politics, Creepy Russia (Hetalia), F/M, Historical Hetalia, Implied Relationships, Russia has Issues (Hetalia)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9522791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuluCalliope/pseuds/LuluCalliope
Summary: Russia decides that he should become friends with America, given that their bosses are such great friends. What could go wrong?





	1. Recap on Russia's Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A recap on Russia's favorite friendships.

_November 14th, 1860. China has had to deal with too much of England and France ever since the first Opium War. Silly China! In a war with drugs, drugs always win! Anyways, today I invited myself over to China’s house. He took too long to show up, so I started to eat without him. Fifteen minutes after I started to eat, I heard him approaching. He seemed kind of groggy and down in the dumps when he entered, but I knew he would be happy to see me. I’ll never forget his first words to me: “Who are you?! Go away now!”_

* * *

_February 7th, 1924. Recently my boss and Italy’s boss, both autocrats, narcissists, and fabulous dancers, have gotten very close. I guess this means I can finally become friends with the Italy brothers, too. I approached them today and told them, “I was thinking we should start hanging out.” They agreed, but they were sweating quite a lot. That reminded me of something, so I asked them, “Your house is warm and you have good food, right? You don’t mind if I visit?” Then my little sister, Belarus, appeared behind me and glared daggers at the brothers until I was flustered enough to leave. I suppose things could have gone better..._

* * *

_August 24th, 1991. Today my older sister, Ukraine, came to me and said, “Bye! It’s been nice knowing you, brother, but at this rate, we’ll never see each other again! My boss has forbidden me from speaking to you anymore!” And she ran away, crying. Her colossal knockers slapped together as she ran, imitating the sounds of a drum. She turned around and left my house for good, just like that. Right now, she’s trying to make new friends in the European Union, but I do not think it is working. She just stands outside and cries and begs. She says things like, “Please, I have to find a friend! Won’t someone be friends with me? I’m all alone in the cold and lonely world. I’m not ready to fend for myself...I’m scared...and lacking natural defensive borders and high-speed Internet…” I’m going to tell her to stop acting like that, but I don’t know if she’ll listen. She’s freaking me out, so I hope she does._

* * *

_April 2nd, 1996. I don’t know what happened, but now I am living with Bela again. She broke into my house earlier today (seventeenth break-in in two months), and chased me around. I locked myself in my bedroom, but she pounded at the door for an hour. She called out to me: “Big brother...big brother! Come on, let’s become one! You know you want to! Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?!” When I didn’t answer, she started to claw at the wood. (Note to self: get new door for room.) She stayed determined and kept calling to me: “Open this damn door right this instant! You and I are going to get together whether you like it or not, open up, brother, let me iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin…” By that point, I was scared enough to shout at her to go away. She broke the doorknob off of the door. She threw it at me when she could enter the room. (Another note to self: get better doorknobs for new doors.) She stood in the hallway, blocking the door, and chanted, “Marry me, marry me, marry me…” I think I fainted after I cried like little babies do._

* * *

Poor Russia sighed as he closed his diary, which didn’t have too many entries. He was sad for a few moments...after all, all of his good friends and lovely sisters had grown so distant...but as an idea occurred to him, he perked up. “My boss has been becoming good friends with America’s boss lately. Maybe it’s time for me to bury the hatchet and become friends with America!” He began to make preparations...beginning with burying his favorite hatchet in the garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russia: What? I can't bring my hatchet or my pickax or the magic metal pipe of pain over to befriend America. He isn't like my other friends.
> 
> *Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia begin to sweat in the background*
> 
> Well, on a more serious note: China and Italy have grown distant from Russia ever since those memorable encounters. Italy (North and South) hasn't been enemies with Russia, but they aren't exactly "friends", either. China has always been paranoid around Russia, so they kind of have an awkward peace between them. As for Russia's sisters...well, Miss Ukraine is currently arguing with her brother about some piece of land called the Crimean Peninsula. Ukraine has massive tracts of land already...if they get any bigger, her back pains will get worse. Miss Belarus, who does love Big Brother Russia so very much, more-or-less entered an alliance with him in 1996. She refers to it as marriage. Russia refers to it as disgusting and creepy.


	2. The Start of an Awkward Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Russia visits America and explains why he is the way he is.

KNOCK KNOCK.

“I’ll get it, my prince,” America grumbled to President Donald Trump. Oh, how America hated him. Oh, how the rest of the world seemed to hate him. Donald Trump didn’t move an inch from his magnificent bed...he preferred to do most of his work from his bed. America was basically a servant in his own house. He began to grumble as he headed to the front door. “Stupid Trump...stupid immigration policy...and everyone is acting like this is MY fault.” He sighed, took off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. “It’s not MY fault that the people wanted him to be my boss...and now I have to, like, actually GROVEL. None of my other bosses made me grovel! ‘Oh great and handsome Trump, the glory of your intelligence is bested only by the beauty of your golden locks, a hair of which has never clogged a drain!’” He replaced his glasses, swore, and approached the front door. “If only there was someone who didn’t mind me having to work for him…” He pulled the door open.

“Hello, America!”

SLAM.

America couldn’t close the door fast enough. He pressed his back against it, his chest heaving in and out, heart pounding in his ears. “Oh, God, ANYONE BUT HIM! Anyone but Russia!” He bit his lip. “Not after everything we’ve been through…” A tremor of fear passed through his body. “The prank calls...the space race...everything Reagan said...oh, God, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…”

“Oh, America, you didn’t let me inside!” Russia had SOMEHOW found a way into the house. He stood in front of the other nation, a big smile on his face. America shrieked in a most unheroic fashion.

“How did you get inside?!”

“I used window,” Russia said. “Since we’re going to be great friends for a while, or at least for the next four years, I brought you a gift.” He reached into the inner pocket of his tan coat and pulled out a large bottle. He handed it to a trembling America.

“V-vodka,” America exclaimed through a forced laugh. “Just what I always wanted!” _Shit, what if that offended him?!_ “I have a present for you, too!” _Fuck me, why did I say that?!_ “It’s...in the other room...I’ll be...right back…” America backed away slowly until he was at the end of the main foyer. He turned a corner and sprinted in the direction of his storage room. When he reached the desired location, he paused, hand on the doorknob, and took deep gasps of air. _It’s just like Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia...it’s just like what they went through._ He closed his eyes. _I’m going to be Russia’s puppet_ . He chewed on his lower lip, deep in thought, before he entered his storage room and approached an old wooden chest in the corner of the room. He rummaged through the contents for a while. _Well, I might as well give him something as a sign of our new ‘friendship’_ , he thought, full of bitterness. His fingers brushed against something round. “There it is!” He pulled out the item he had been looking for, examined it for signs of wear and tear, then exited the room. He thought that he would find Russia back in the main foyer…

...but when he left the room, Russia was waiting for him. America yelped and hid his gift behind his back. “You startled me! How did you know where I was?!” _Was he following me this whole time, or am I going crazy?_

“Instinct,” Russia shrugged. America opened his mouth to say something, but then he noticed that Russia seemed...troubled. _Oh, fuck me in the keyhole, this means that something really bad is about to happen, isn’t it?_ “Can I tell you a secret?” Something in his voice said that it was important...so America nodded. “It’s something I’ve never told anyone else before…” Russia looked into America’s blue eyes. “But I never told you about the day I met Lithuania, did I?”

* * *

_Winter of 1239. The world was gray that day. The clouds covered up any indication that the sky would ever be blue again. The snowflakes that continued to fall to the ground had long lost their beauty for one young nation. That nation was crossing a long, sturdy bridge. He didn’t know where he was going or why he was even outside in such cold weather...but he had a feeling that something important was going to happen soon, and he had to see for himself…whatever it was. “It snowed yesterday, too, and the day before yesterday, and today...I don’t know if you hear this, but there are rumors in the south that there are countries where flowers do the blooming all year long,” he remarked to his companion, a dog with tan patches of fur. The brown-haired nation stopped in his tracks, as did the dog._

_There was another nation standing on the other side of the bridge, just outside of a forest. He was about the brunette’s age, but a little taller and thicker. He wore a tan coat and a funny-looking hat. A long scarf, the same color as his gray hair, was wrapped around his neck. The scarf and coat had holes in the fabric and billowed around the nation, mimicking the motions of the wind. He stood motionless, a mountain against the howling wind, before he locked eyes with the brunette. “Ah, hello, stranger.”_

_The brown-haired nation’s dog began to bark without warning. Both nations seemed to ignore it. “Hello, are you okay? You’re not hurting or things? Because if you stand there for too long, you’ll freeze.”_

_“That’s a cute dog. He’s good at the barking,” said the gray-haired nation, avoiding the brunette’s question._

_“Well, thank you, and I’m sorry at same time; he’s not usually making this much barking noise,” the brown-haired nation said as he crouched down beside his dog. A few strokes of the dog’s ears calmed it down. “So, maybe you are in very similar situation as I am?” He said to the newcomer._

_“Yes, I am. I do not know about you, but I am having very hard time under Tartar. Yet mark my words, I will become crazy large country one day.” The brunette stood and stared at the mysterious new nation. “I make promise to you,” that nation continued. “When that happens, we will become good friends.”_

_“W-we could become good friends right now if you wanted us to…”_

_“No, we cannot. I’m not strong enough yet.” The gray-haired nation clasped his hands together, and the brunette stifled a gasp with great difficulty. Even though they were standing a large distance apart, he could see that the taller nation had red patches of skin on his hands. The brunette didn’t know the details, but he could tell that the other nation was struggling or recovering from a time of hardship. “But I will work hard, so eventually…” The strange nation’s voice trailed off. And with that, he turned and ran into the forest, his scarf dancing in the wind behind him. “See you~” His voice echoed back to the brunette._

* * *

“And since then, I’ve dedicated myself to becoming stronger so that I can make friends with the weak,” Russia finished. “I used to live happily after a little genocide. I was happy because all of my friends could live with me in a big house called the Soviet Union. But one by one, everyone left me. Now I’m mostly alone. Belarus comes by most days, but that doesn’t make me happy. I like to hear the Baltic States scream and cry when I have them over because the noises echo through the house and remind me that I’m not alone.”

For the first time in his life, America could understand why Russia was the way he was. Yes, the reasons ranged from depressing to terrifying, but still...America was stunned, but not speechless. “You don’t have to take over nations and make them work for you in order to be friends with them. If you try being nice, they’ll want to do favors for you.”

“You really think so?”

“It worked with me and Lithuania.” With that, America approached Russia and placed his gift on his head.

It was a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. Russia reached up and felt them, rubbing his fingers across the round ears before saying, “Mickey Mouse is so cute. We don’t have Disney places at my home.” He paused, then admitted, “I do not know why my boss and your boss are so close, but I like you, America. If we become friends, can I have my very own Disney park?”

“I don’t see why not.”

There was an awkward pause. “I guess I’ll be going,” Russia said with a clear of his throat. “Be seeing you!” He stuck his hand out for America to shake. America placed his hand in Russia’s and shook once. Before he let go, he leaned over and whispered:

“I know that I’ve made fun of you because of this, but if we’re going to be friends, I should pay attention to your customs, too. The next time we meet, I’ll let you kiss me.” America pulled away. “But if you tell anyone, I’ll deny it!”

“Okay, America,” Russia smiled.

As Russia was leaving, America blurted out: “By the way...the rumors aren’t true, right? You didn’t have any cyber-hacking things that influenced the election results, right?”

“I do not think so, but I will look into it,” Russia promised.

* * *

Later…

“Estonia,” Russia called in a sing-song voice. Estonia shrieked and whirled around. He had been sitting at his desk, working on his blog...how did…

“How did you get inside?!”

“I used window,” Russia shrugged. “So, listen, I wanted to have discussion about the cyber attacks on America. The ones that influenced his election results.”

“What the...I didn’t do anything of that sort! It was you! Like it was you in 2007!”

“Ha ha, oh, silly Estonia, we all know that it was one of your underlings behind those attacks. And I am sure that it is another underling of yours behind attacks now. And to settle issue quickly, I brought along something to help.” Russia reached into his coat and pulled out the…

“No...not the…”

“Magic metal pipe of pain!” And with that, Russia proceeded to chase Estonia through his house, just like old times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, poor Estonia!
> 
> Alright, just a few things:
> 
> 1\. For those who don't know (because they don't discuss this on the show that much), Russia greets people by kissing them on the lips. Only two nations have refused to do this with him: Germany and America. Germany says that Russia can blow him a kiss as a greeting, but America just called Russia "evil" and cited the lip kiss greeting as a reason for why Russia should be considered the bad guy.
> 
> 2\. Episode 8 of Hetalia: The Beautiful World takes place in (I believe) 2007, which is when Estonia was the victim of a series of cyber attacks.
> 
> Also, PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANYTHING ABOUT TRUMP SERIOUSLY IT WAS ALL A JOKE AND I DIDN'T MEAN IT. *comforts a sobbing America* It's okay, America...walk it out, and talk it out...walk it out, and talk it out...
> 
> Stories coming up soon: England and America try to create the perfect politician, America visits Switzerland to become "neutral", Poland and the Netherlands call America, America visits Germany and Prussia.
> 
> Leave kudos and comments to make me write faster! Hurry! Russia might use...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhmwvdXz96k


End file.
